The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
