He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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