hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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