the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He is an equal opportunity slut.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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