Your tits are I can't wait for
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
