I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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