"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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