when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
