i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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