I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
