I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
