It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
