I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
