Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
