just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
