i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
