hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
