could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
