T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
