we're making bets on your personal life
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
