Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
