i permit you to call me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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