At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
