If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
