I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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