help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
