Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
