Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
