Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
