What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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