eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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