i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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