party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
