Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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