Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
