and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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