I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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