I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
