I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize