Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
