She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
