i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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