Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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