My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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