Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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