I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
