That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize