She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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