I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
