Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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