This is not my ceiling
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
