Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think my vagina is haunted
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
