but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
