Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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