and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
