I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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