Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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