My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
