a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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