Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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