You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My bed smells like the plague
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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