my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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