Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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