fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't deserve a penis
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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