He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
