I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
