dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
