maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
