He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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