I can feel you judging me through the phone.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
