Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
