So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
