i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize