my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
