Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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