he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
