dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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