I love black thongs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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