You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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