Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
We need to get me chipped asap
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
