I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize