My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Randomize
