Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
