im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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