Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
