so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
